Among the gaming old-farts, I'm a tween at best, but still a silver-hair. I shake my grey brick of a GameBoy at all of these young whipper-snappers and tell them to get off of my virtual lawn. The GameBoy still works, by the way, though I think The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening is permanently jammed in the cartridge slot.
It is once again with this "back in my day" mindset that I am here today. Tuck in, fellow gamers, and I will tell you a bedtime story.
Once upon a time, there was a boy named Timmy, who lived with his mother and father. When Timmy was very young, his favorite things in the world were some puzzle blocks. Timmy thought they were very difficult to put together, and if he didn't get it right, he would have to start over with the first step. But Timmy didn't care; every time he went to play with the blocks, he found them new and exciting. Every birthday he would get new puzzle blocks from the puzzle block factory where his dad worked, and they would look different, with shiny stickers and new shapes. But they were still puzzle blocks, and Timmy enjoyed them just as much as his older ones.
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| Some puzzle blocks pissed Timmy off more than others. |
One day, Timmy's mother came to him and said "put away your puzzle blocks, Timmy. We're going to the park!" Timmy was confused at first when he got there, as he had never left the house before, and things looked so strange. But then he realized what an amazing place he was now in, and got very excited. Everything was so alive! Timmy ran all over the park, chasing the animals. His mother looked on proudly. "Have fun, Timmy!"
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| Pictured above: squirrels. |
Some time passed, and then something wonderful happened. Timmy went to the park, and found a playground had been built there! Timmy stared in awe at the colorful and inviting structure. And there were so many other kids there, just like him! Some of the kids ran up to Timmy and asked him to play with them. He nodded, and off they went. Timmy felt he could spend forever at the playground, sharing adventures with his new friends.
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| "Timmy, stop teabagging me!" |
But it didn't last. Timmy's mother had been grumpy lately; his father had been fired from the puzzle block factory, and had to get a job at the playground equipment factory. His mother kept complaining about the new job not paying well, and they were having "money problems", though Timmy didn't understand what that meant. Timmy didn't like seeing his parents unhappy, so he tried showing them how happy he was at the playground, but it didn't help. His parents began fighting, and his dad shouted that he wasn't happy at the playground equipment factory and wanted to go back to the puzzle block factory. His mother shouted back that because she was in charge of "the finances", he would have to make things work, because he can't have fun at his job anymore. The fighting got worse, and Timmy was afraid of what might happen. And then the worst did happen: his parents got a divorce.
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| There have been a lot of messy divorces over the years. |
Timmy's mother found someone new, a rich man who liked things done his way, and always. One day, Timmy's mother took him to visit his new dad where he worked, at a museum. Timmy was amazed at all of the wild and cool things at this museum, like dinosaur displays that actually moved! But every time he went to play with something interesting in an exhibit, his mother would hiss at him "No, Timmy! Look, but don't touch!" One part of the museum was about space, and there were a lot of people in there. But Timmy couldn't go in, because his mother didn't pay a membership fee to the museum. By the museum's exit was a gift shop, but when Timmy tried to get a dinosaur toy, his mother told him she couldn't afford to give it to him, and he would have to raise his own money for it. Timmy was very sad that he didn't get to enjoy the whole museum.
When Timmy got home, he wanted to go outside and play with his friends at the playground. But his mother told him "No, Timmy. I don't want you hanging out with them anymore. You can still talk to them over the phone, but you have to stay inside." Timmy tried to argue that that wasn't the same, and it was more fun to play with them in person. His mother got very angry and sent Timmy to his room.
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| "And I don't want to hear you repeating what little Susie Pottymouth says!" |
Frustrated, Timmy started kicking around his toys, all of which were new but not very interesting. Then he found some puzzle blocks that had been tucked away under his bed. He was happily playing with them when his mother came in. She was very upset to see him playing with the puzzle blocks, and took them away. "You're too old to be playing with these!" She went to a shelf and took down a movie. "Watch this, instead. And when it's done, you can watch the one that comes after it." Timmy told her that that was the second one, and there were more after that, and he didn't want to watch a movie anyway, he wanted to play. His mother sighed and put the movie on the shelf with the others.
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| "We're starting to run out of room for these." |
"You can't always get what you want, Timmy. I think you need to go to bed now." She tucked him in and shut off the light without telling him a story first. Before drifting off, Timmy thought about how things had changed, and how they were likely to change, but not likely for the better. He knew what he wanted to do, and he knew what was fun. Why wouldn't anyone listen to him? Why wouldn't anyone let him have fun? Timmy had learned a very valuable lesson about life: growing up sucks.
Timmy's story ends here, for now. Things will change for Timmy, but he shouldn't lose hope. Timmy isn't aware that lots of other kids in similar situations ran away from their overbearing mothers and indifferent step-fathers. They're out in the world, making their own adventures, for themselves and for other kids like them, like Timmy, like you and I. You can't always find their puzzle blocks in the store, but they're always happy to share the ones they have. Perhaps someday the parents will realize their children left them, and that they miss them. Maybe they will come to understand why the children left, and do what's right to make sure they come back. Otherwise, the children may grow up, jaded and bitter at their estranged parents, and start new puzzle block factories and playground factories that put their parents' businesses to shame, just when the parents were beginning to think of their retirement.
Sleep well, gamers.
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